Tired of playing it safe?
Hey there fellow human doing their best!
I'm a Gen X-er. So, let's be real; I know what it is to be "independent", put on concrete shoes & pull myself up by the bootstraps; and of course, roll my eyes at Generation Snowflake - let's not sugar coat it. But recently, life, as it often does, has thrown me a curveball!
As my kids morph, too quickly for my liking, into moody, all-too-dramatic teenagers, I find myself echoing the very words I once scoffed at; “This house is not a hotel”. The irony is palpable! (The generational gap isn’t as wide as I thought)
Regardless of my current parenting crisis and the fine lines that seem to appear overnight, seemingly every night, as a result, I’ve also managed to pick up a few life hacks over the last few decades. It all had to be worth something!
So… getting to know me moment…
I used to think I was immune to the pressure to conform. I prided myself on my individuality, my authenticity et cetera. I was actually even told by my brain doctor when I had a stroke that although I may not want to share my experience with others, I should probably at least let them know that I ‘neurologically have no filter.’
NB: It may not be biologically possible to ‘neurologically have no filter’, but I swear on my life, this is what she said!
My reaction?
Bahahahaahha! I love that I have no filter!!!
You will come to love it too I’m sure ;-)
The weird part is that although I'm a walking, talking truth serum with a side of inappropriate commentary, the other equally true truth is that I also recognise that I had spent years tiptoeing around, playing it safe, and sacrificing my own desires to appease others unknowingly.
I've been people-pleasing unawares this whole time!
And…. I was mortified!
.My husband, the ultimate empath & zen-master of the art of self-sacrifice, and I have both been caught in this cycle of giving without receiving (albeit in different ways).
He with his 'rip my limb off to come save you' behaviour and me with my 'I'm a big personality so will keep the noise to a minimum' behaviour.
Anyway, we went through a lot of soul searching - more on that later - and realised the hard way, that in actual fact, we were walking, talking ‘please like me’ machines and NOT embracing our inner weirdo’s at all.
Slight sidebar… yes, again - you’ll get used to the patter
You will discover about me in future musings, that I have a maniacal focus on Cancer and all things that create Cancer - not from a fearful position, but more so from a motivational position.
(PS I put Cancer with a capital because I respect it so much)
Anyway, at one stage during this oh-so-awesome unhinged freefall my husband and I were experiencing, I realised a popular question asked of people was
“how would you change your life if you won the lotto?”
For me, it's a no-brainer…
I’d travel the world. In a heartbeat. Packed in 5!
But, it also kinda seems highly unlikely that I would win the lotto.
You know the stats are 1 in 292 million in the US or 1 in 139 million in Europe.
Now, the stats of getting Cancer - that’s much better odds!
One in two people in the US develop Cancer.
The same in Europe. And Australia.
So given that’s a more realistic option, why not ask this question instead:
What would I do if I was diagnosed with Cancer?
The answer is both terrifying and liberating.
For me, again, it's a no-brainer…
I’d be really friggin angry that’s what!
But what got my attention is that my focus wasn’t on the anger I would have at ‘having Cancer’ - although I’ve no doubt that’s a very real feeling.
My focus at that point was on the anger I would feel about the 5 seconds of pleasure I got from prioritising a short-term win of eating a chocolate bar over long-term health (buyers remorse on a cosmic scale!) or the time I spent in a crappy job sitting at a desk 8 or more hours a day. All for what?!
The endless cycle of paying bills, buying groceries, and funding little Timmy's soccer dreams?!!!!
Of course, the practicalities of life need to be addressed. We need to earn a living to support ourselves and our families.
But, why didn't I earn that money doing something I wanted to do, or do it while being loudly and proudly myself or getting outside and having an adventure … and on it went.
Anyway, I digress…
Back to my point: There are so many unspoken rules, societal rules, rules of expectation.
It’s like those people who make speeches on your wedding day about how they can't wait to have grandchildren (like that’s what you’re supposed to do next) or how having a 9-5 job is the only real way to get security. And how you should definitely buy a house instead of renting, as that’s the only logical choice or even “You guys go on A LOT of holidays”
It's like they've got a secret society of conformity and they're recruiting new members.
So, what’s the deal?
Why are we all living our lives based on someone else's script?
If you were diagnosed with a terminal illness, would you still be doing the same thing?
Or would you finally start living your life on your own terms?
Random thought…
Maybe they call it The Big C not only because it’s a big, scary, life-altering disease, but because it often requires The Big ‘Change’.
So, how do you start taking control of your life?
Ask yourself: "If I knew I was going to die in the imminent future, what would I do differently today?"
Probably something way cooler than what you're doing now!
I’d also pay attention to the moments when you shrink yourself, please others, or compromise your own needs.
Why do you do it? What's holding you back?
Once you identify the root cause, you've uncovered the secret to your own misery!
